Dear Sir,

      I can hear the anguish in your question.  However, your vague generalities only allow me to respond in a general way as well.

      It appears to me that your love God; and, as such, that you want to be reconciled from this addiction which you feel is similar to a mortal sin.  People forget that, aside from grave matter (sexual sin, use of drugs, etc), mortal sin involves two other factors: full knowledge and consent of the will.  I am not trained in the psychology of addiction, but it appears to me that, from a spiritual viewpoint, an addict has lost the ability to give full consent of his will.  This seems to follow from the nature of addiction.  And this I can offer as some guidance independent of your knowledge that the addictive behavior was sinful.

     We believe deeply that grace can break the chains of addiction; but it may be something one is in "recovery from" for the rest of one's life.  The best I can suggest to you is a book by Gerald May, Addiction and Grace.  That may offer you the insight you need.

I do hope this helps; and I do hope you find help for dealing with your addiction and peace for your soul.

Grace and Peace,

Fr. Chris

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